I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just invented taco cereal.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
