I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
