And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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