Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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