i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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