They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
