His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
