someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
