can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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