if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
