highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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