oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize