Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
