i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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