He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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