Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
