We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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