Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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