The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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