you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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