I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
