I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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