Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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