theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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