I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
