no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
