I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
