There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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