Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
