using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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