people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
