I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize