when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
