Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
