so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
