just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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