just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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