I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You made out with two different species that night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
