i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize