Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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