You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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