Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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