So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
