while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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