He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
