I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize