I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
