Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
