look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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