It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
