Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
