Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Drunk is not a location!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
