So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
