i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
