Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
