fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
