guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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