You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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