So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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