How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
