It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
